You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
