If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
