I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
