i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
