oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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