I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize