just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
