Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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