so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
