JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
