I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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