I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
