remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
me + whiskey = a bad person
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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