I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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