dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just invented taco cereal.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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