I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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