i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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