You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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