As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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