I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
