I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
