Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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