David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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