We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
