Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am mentally ready for anal.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize