She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
