I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
