and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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