Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
