so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
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It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize