I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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