Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
