I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
