What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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