I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
