I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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