My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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