stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
