I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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