you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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