can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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