your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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