super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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