I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
