I just cut my nipple shaving
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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