i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
