since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
