It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
