the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
