put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I love you. Go after that dick
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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