she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
