I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
