I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
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Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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