you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize