I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
