so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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