I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
