Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
