i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
