No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
